Bin Laden: Would make a great character in a “Weekend at Bernie’s" Movie

First, the 1987 silver screen tour de force “Weekend At Bernie’s” was a genre-defining epic that set the standard for all other “dead guy paraded around by live guy(s) to do comically ridiculous stunts” types of films. For those culturally deprived cretins whom are unfamiliar with “Weekend At Bernie’s” I’ll provide you with a short synopsis: “Bernie (Terry Kiser) awards two of his goofball employees a weekend stay at his lavish beachfront mansion. To the duos dismay, upon arrival, they find Bernie dead, which sets the stage for wacky escapades to follow, in hopes to convince Bernie’s weekend guests he is still alive. During those 95 magical minutes Kiser delivers one of the gutsiest dead guy performances this side of Hollywood has every seen.”

This is where Bin Laden and the whole “War On Terror” factors in. Who does Al Qaeda think they’re fooling? Everyone knows that old coot Bin Laden packed it in years ago. Therefore, when I watch tapes of MC Bin Laden rappin’ into a mic, it reminds me of the scene where Bernie goes water skiing. Why? BECAUSE THEY’RE BOTH DEAD!

So, Al Qaeda, I ask you: why are you attempting to promote terror and uprising with those Bin Laden tapes when they could be put toward a greater good of knee-slapping comedy. To date, pretending Bin Laden is alive has yet to produce a funny moment of “Bernie’s” caliber; but with a little creative muse, Bin Laden can keep up his “I’m still alive” charade with hilarious consequences.

For instance, think of the tumultuous laugher that would be heard straight across Afghanistan when someone, interupting one of Bin Laden's admonishing speeches about carrying on the jahad, suggests he does the chicken dance! Thus forcing a zany (but loveable!) masked Taliban member to contort his limbs and shake his little tush to that adorable little song! Maybe do a scene where, at next year’s MTV music awards, a dead Bin Laden has to make out with Kevin Federline (following in his gutter slut of a wife’s footsteps). So MTV and the terrorists have to team up to think up a wacky plan that’ll fool MTV's audience into believing Bin Laden is alive (and horny!!!). On second thought, it’s not really hard to fool MTV's audience; I mean they fooled people into thinking The Real World is actually a good show.

In conclusion, if you don’t know what I’m talking about you need to open your eyes and ears. Horrific outcomes are a product of social ignorance. How do you think the Nazi regime rose to power? It was people turning a blind eye to the world. Therefore arm your brain and rent “Weekend at Bernie’s” re-released on DVD with never before seen scenes!