My weak week: Part I

Now that this week is finally in the rearview I want to recollect on it. To begin, here are some aphoristic observations I made:

1.) Mac computers owners are the lefties of the computer world. Think about it, you look kinda artsy and you can do some things better like baseball and using an iPod, but at the same time the world was designed for right handed people and their IBMs. I’m a lefty and I take offense to my last comment.

2.) The other day this homeless guy I’ve been seeing more often than I'd like asked me for a bone. “A what?” I asked. To which he responded: “A bone, man. You know…a smoke.” Interesting. If you call a cigarette a “smoke” and you “smoke it”, you’re a “smoker” THEREFORE if you call a cigarette a “boner” and you “bone it” does that make you…a boner?

3.) I’m not sure why the word ‘boner’ is so funny. Of course the obvious reference to a throbbing erect penis is funny, but I think it’s also in the way the word sounds. Do you think if we called a carrot a boner or a pot of coffee a boner it would still be funny? I kinda do.

Anyway, my week was awful. The horrendousness began on like Tuesday when I was walking down to the publicity department, descending the flight of stairs from the twenty-eighth floor to the twenty-seventh. Once I opened the staircase door I smelt it. Shit. This wasn’t one of those situations where the stairwell smelled like shit, no, this stairwell smelled of shit. Actually ‘shit’ is a euphemism. The feces-rich stench pelting my nasal passage possessed a particular reek of poop known only to toilets of the perennially diarrhea plagued. ‘Okay,’ I thought to myself, ‘I’ll be professional about this.’ I’ll just pick up my pace, get out of here as quick as possible, and…there it was. Splattered in a scatter pattern that would rival a Jackson Pollock painting. A brownish-green mass was smeared across three steps with a drip that went down to the landing. Aside from being obviously disgusting, the implications this shit brought had an enormity in itself. The fact, that someonehobo brought his defecating-ready bowels up TWENTY-SEVEN FLIGHTS of stairs just to let a squirter rip is absurd. That’s when I knew bad luck was chasing me this week.

As for the rest of the week, I don’t want to get into all the specifics of what happened so I’ll give you the Sportcenter highlights.

1.) boss yelled at me everyday

2.) lost cell phone

3.) got no sleep, but for no good reason as I did not write a single page for the paper on sonnets I have due next week

4.) I was making a list of how awful my week was and got to reason number 4 and realized it actually wasn’t such a bad week after all

5.) Man, I’m a whinny bitch sometimes

Whatever. Oh…and uh…I found my cell phone. I’ll be back for more details on this post later, for now though I have a paper on sonnets to write. A-latazzzzz