I came; I saw; I blacked out and wrote about it in my blog

That was a weekend for the record books.

I just got in from SPRING! WEEKEND! at my old COLLEGE!!1 (all words in caps should read like an outburst from an overweight frat-dawg) and it was not only awesome, but ‘most awesome*’. First, it was great catching up with my dichotomy of friends: Res Life friends and party animal friends. On a side note to my Res Life friends, I hope no one took that last post as a ‘literal truth’. I was obviously being satirical as I was an RA; just like I was a baby and don’t (gasp!) really believe babies should be boycotted.

*Please see Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and/or Bogus Journey

Anyway, another confession I have to make: when I actually was in college, I never got to fully exploit Spring Weekend festivities to their fullest, drunkest potential. As a science major, I was living proof to the conspiracy amongst science professors to shunt their students’ fun during Spring Weekend (i.e. mandatory Biology fieldtrip freshmen year, huge orgo test sophomore year, endocrinology lab practical junior year, and a biochem presentation senior year!) This year I promised myself I wasn’t going to let minor details like a full time job get in the way of Spring Weekend. So taking the day off on Friday and leaving immediately after work on Thursday, I came to my former alma mater with a pillow and bad intentions.

Everything unfolded according to plan as my level drunkenness over the three-day weekend took the shape of a bell curve. Thursday and Saturday were drunk days, while Friday was an utterly inebriated day. (My boss would be so proud I put my day off from work to such good use.) In fact, Friday night got so out of hand, I woke up Saturday morning feeling like a DSI: Drunk Scene Investigator. For starters, I had a humongous bruise on my left thigh that was starting to turn a greenish color (gangrene?). Next, when I checked my phone, there were a plethora of mysterious numbers both incoming and outgoing. When I checked the times of these calls, they all matched the suspected time of when I blacked out (which also coincided with a horrible shot of dry gin I took). Investigation is still ongoing…

My only regret is I really would have loved to play Monopoly this weekend. Seriously! I haven’t played Monop since like 1986 and I’ve really been craving it. Also, I came up with a GREAT way to cheat in Monopoly. Read below:

A great way to cheat in Monopoly is by bringing Monopoly money from other games with you when you know you’re going to be playing. For instance, if someone says: “Monopoly party! Tonight! I’m the little pansy thimble piece!” You plan in advance and bring a few green backs, or in Monopoly money’s case orange, gold, and yellow backs. If you’re a hard-core monopoly player, like myself, you carry monopoly money with you at all times to ensure Monopoly victory whenever.

A-latazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Update - A great IM from an onlooker:
I see drunk people 808 (12:51:36 PM): you were beyond drunk by the time i saw you on fri
Bobberous (12:51:54 PM): hahahahahaahahhaa
Bobberous (12:51:56 PM): YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Bobberous (12:52:02 PM): dude i was out of control