Remember when...

Who remembers the summer of 2004?!?!?! Man, that summer was awesome. I found an article I wrote during that summer, when temperatures were hot, this perv was on the prowl, Bill Cosby was the mouthpiece of social criticism, and objective journalism was obviously at an all-time high.
Do you think this sick fuck will be back this summer???


Over the past few days accusations have been raised against Six Flags theme park that they have employed a pedophile to head their national advertising campaign.

The recent Six Flags commercials, which feature a dancing old man known simply as “That Old Dancing Kid Toucher,” have brought the theme park under the scrutiny of Meghan’s Law.

The controversial commercials depict “That Old Dancing Kid Toucher” picking up children and abducting them in his van after performing an enigmatic mating dance to the Vegaboys’ mid-90s hit single “We Like to Party.”

“It’s not even a good song,” said myself in reference to the music selection of the alleged child molester, “Kids respond to something more contemporary like ‘Freak-a-Leak’.”

Six Flags has attempted to make “That Old Dancing Kid Toucher” the poster child of carefree summer fun attributing him the slogan, “It’s playtime.”

“More like ‘It’s jail time,’” said myself in a vehement criticism I launched against the ad campaign.

Children have been abducted by “That Old Dancing Kid Toucher” anywhere from golf courses to their own front lawn. In his most recent exploit, “That Old Dancing Kid Toucher” fired a jet of water on two unsuspecting adolescents.

“The anemia was just going too far,” said myself condemning “That Old Dancing Kid Toucher’s” techniques.

Despite the harangues launched against him, “That Old Dancing Kid Toucher” is finding support amongst the public.

“I respect the guys work,” said Daniel “Esquire” McGruff, an expert on child molestation.

Comedian Bill Cosby went on to further support “That Old Dancing Kid Toucher” in a statement: “Let me tell you something, your dirty laundry gets out of school at 2:30 every day, it's cursing and calling each other n------ as they're walking up and down the street.”

Parents are encouraged to keep an eye out for an enormous alizarin crimson bus with white racing strips sporting the Six-Flags logo on both sides. Parents are also advised to immediately blame Michael Jackson if their children are molested.

Mr. Cosby went on to conclude the recent caveat: “They think they're hip. They can't read; they can't write. They're laughing and giggling, and they're going nowhere!"