Did I do that? My letter to Urkel

So the other day I found Steven Q. Urkel’s e-mail (j@jaleelwhite.com) and, well, you know what I had to do. I’ll keep you updated if I get a response! In the meantime, peep the letter:

Urkel,

First, let me say it…You ready? OMG. I mean, like, wow. WOW. Fuckin’ WOW. Oh, sorry about the curse. I know big Carl Winslow wouldn’t approve. He’s looking out for everyone’s best interest, good ‘ol Carl. Wouldn’t want Little Richie to pick up any bad words. But, hey, if Carl really was looking out for Richie’s best interest, why the fuck did he allow that absurd mullet in his house? Holyfuckmeinaman’sass! That thing was re-donc! I mean, we all already knew that little poop-spot was a demon seed but that mullet really confirmed it. You know what’s unconfirmed? Who his father was! Urkel, I know in your fervent quest for Laura you probably weren’t paying attention, but Aunt Rachel was slut. Let me rephrase that: A SLUT. Better yet: A SLORE (A slut and a whore.)! I don’t think even one of your clever machines could keep that floozy’s legs closed. And Rachel’s Place? We all know that was an establishment of ill repute. I actually just got an e-mail from Waldo saying that’s where he contracted the HIV. Nice, Aunt Rachel, way to bring down the rest of the fam. Personally, I think Grandma Winslow should have dropped some five-fingered discipline on Aunt Rachel and Little Richie. Write back if you agree.

I love you,

Bobby