Subject: Tanner, I have some concerns

So after sending 2 letters that still remained unanswered to Uncle Joey and Steve Urkel, I’ve decided to try a new approach, hoping to get a response. I’ve decided to e-mail Danny Tanner of Full House fame. However, rather than e-mailing the neat-freak pansy from the show, I found this Danny Tanner(Find him on the list)(Spoiler: He's actually Daniel Tanner, PhD and professor of History) and dropped him this e-mail from a “concerned” neighbor. Lets hope I get a juicy response!

Mr. Tanner,

This letter is from a concerned neighbor who is fed up with you and your family’s antics. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a pretty patient person. I bit my tongue when one of your Greek relatives came wandering over to my side of the fence and claimed he “married” my youngest daughter after walking her around a kitchen table; I grinned and bared the strange relationship between you and those two other men you keep in your house; I even overlooked the time your daughter crashed a red “sports car” into your house and the debris floated over on my property. But, lately, I’ve just had it up to HERE with you and your damn shenanigans.

Lets get one thing straight, too. The only reason I’m contacting you via the e-mail is because it seems this is the only way to contact you! Normally, I’m the type of guy, when, if I’m having a problem, will get on the horn and holler my complaints and be on my merry way. But, with the racket from that band that keeps rehearsing (led by the black haired, motorcycle rider (Eddie?); I believe the band is called “The Strippers”) I can’t get through to you!

I understand things have probably been hard for you since your wife died. But, keep in mind I’ve been doing all I can for you and your family. Who was the first one over the time DJ had an eating disorder? Was the lasagna I brought over not the best she ever tasted? Did that chubby hussy not fill her fat face with food? (The food I brought, mind you!)

Speaking of which, DJ is another problem I want to address. There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll come right out and say it bluntly: She’s having wild sex with her boyfriend, Steve. There it is. Out in the open. While this is fine under your roof (pending your consent), I don’t believe it’s a spectacle fit for broadcast across the neighborhood! When I heard her screaming “Oh, fuck me Mr. Woodchuck” I was downright offended and embarrassed.

Lets work together on this, okay, Danny?

Thanks,

Bill Gibbler